It’s been a while since my first (& also last) post..
The reason for this is quit painful to tell.. I was doubting to put this online but because I want to write about life and personal ideas.. I had to share this.
On Sunday 28th of August my world was shattered in pieces. The thing I loved the MOST in the world had slipped away. As unexpected as it could have been my precious dog died around 9 p.m.
At first I couldn’t believe what was happening.. On Saturday he was still barking at the neighbours and their guests, ate his “cookies” and lay next to me in the sofa.
But on Sunday he stopped eating.. He had a hard time standing and he was weak. My mother even said he felt cold. Suddenly in the evening, after trying to feed him.. He was lying in the sofa and his breathing stopped.. I took him in my arms and he shocked for the last time.. As crazy as it went, we thought we could still save him and drove like maniacs to the vet.. But it was already over.. I couldn’t believe.. He was the sweetest dog I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Being 8 years old when I got him, he was like a brother to me. Someone so irreplaceable and special. So many great memories that I will keep close to my heart. There were times where I had his support at my side and I never felt alone.
My dog had a disease,.. leukemia, cancer. It was a very strong version which caused the spreading in over a week. We couldn’t have stopped or healed it in any way..
Today I feel blessed and proud (but also deeply cracked and sad) to say that I had the chance of loving and being loved by this magnificent little creature of life.
My world stopped spinning that Sunday and I couldn’t say goodbye at all. In the evening we decided that after 13 years of loving and sharing we couldn’t let him be cremated together with other animals, so we asked for an individual cremation. Afterwards, we could still decide what to do.
On Tuesday the 30th he was cremated at 12u15.. I was looking at my watch all day. Knowing it was going to happen. Not knowing what I was going to do next.
On Wednesday we went to pick “him” up.. Because everyone at home is still having a hard time to grieve, we decided to give him a great spot next to a picture of me and him when I was 11 and he was 3 years old.
Because of this situation I was send back to reality and I’m still trying to deal with it, as hard as it is.
After a few days I found the strength to think about my personal hygiëne and made myself rethink about what I was going to do. Although, I still smell his blanket before I go asleep.. I found the motivation to write this down (..yeah.. with tears in my eyes. But I did it.)
Now I’m glad to know that we were home at his last moments and it happend in our home, where he was raised. He died in my arms, knowing that he had a great life with us, we loved him and would have done everything to keep him here. He hadn’t suffered to much and because of the quick spreading his body hadn’t had the time to get worse..
As it is my passion to dream, travel, discover and learn. I’m trying to use my passion to overcome this tragedy. Maybe this blog is even going to help me overcome this and it will give me some new energy for the opcoming weeks.
Thanks for reading, even if not.. It’s already a good thing that I could share this story..
Photo header by: Tom Falconer, Flickr